3. The impact of an increasingly feminised society.
You have probably heard sayings such as ‘Toxic masculinity’ yet I’m far more certain you have never heard of the saying ‘Toxic femininity’ because the terminology doesn’t exist. Yet both men and women can behave in a way that results in destructive outcomes.
It is no wonder therefore that generations of men are struggling at times, especially boys who are taught that masculinity is wrong, as are the more aggressive and competitive feelings that accompany growing boys and young men.
Suppressing men creates a docile, complacent society by subduing it’s protectors.
In addition to this, we have given far too much responsibility over to schools, the media and our government in terms of how boys and men are influenced.
It has also produced the harmful trend of feminising boys and men. This isn’t just having a harmful effect on males but on girls, women, families and an entire society.
In turn, this has increased the growing disconnection between parents and their children, especially fathers who were the natural protectors of the family unit.
By expecting more of our childrens’ outside education and influences we expect less of ourselves as fathers and men.
If you are reading this, you will likely know that there is a boy crisis. They are failing at school, becoming addicted, dropping out of education and even society itself. Violence is prevalent. They are medicated and labelled problem children for not fitting into a school system more suited to girls. (Spoiler alert, the boy crisis is a societal and outdated institutional crisis, not a boy one!)
I will say right now that the solution to the boy and man crisis is not mental health centres in schools, more school teachers, more mental health support and other peripheral distractions. It is us, the men of society who if we change our mindsets and reclaim the formidable strength of mind we once had, will bring about the desired change. It is being the leading light for them in the dark. It is showing them the way of becoming a man through example.
Our culture has become all about shifting responsibility on to someone or something else and a never ending shaming and condemning of particular groups of society. Men are currently one of these groups.
Even within films and TV, men have been made out to be a clumsy liability or portrayed as a complete opposite in the form of an extreme egomaniac, instead of the reliable protector he once was, forged in the mindset of the ancient hunter gatherer who had an instrumental irreplaceable role of mentor and teacher to his children.
“I have seen many therapists over countless years to help me through a very stressful family situation, progress was slow and not addressing immediate issues. Simon is dynamic in his approach and is honest, fearless and unique. After just three weeks I have a sense of freedom and relief at last which never seemed possible.”~ S, Business Owner
Modern man has reluctantly embraced aspects of society that are enslaving his instincts, intelligence and heart and we see the results of this in the catastrophic male suicides and mental health issues throughout the Western world.
Even with a degree of financial success in life, men feel angry, frustrated and lost, caught in a constant struggle to be “enough”.
We are so engrained within ‘the system’ we don’t recognise any alternative.
Influences outside of our control can take disproportionate importance ~ news, social media, fake “friends”, critical and judging family members (we all have one at least!). The pressure to adapt to each micro society we are part of can be huge.
Men are now uncertain how to act and many of their traditional chivalrous actions are being attacked and criticised.
Sadly, modern society has become super fragile where people are going out of their way to feel offended at something.
This hyper vulnerable state has infiltrated into almost every institution. Everyone is encouraged to be a weaker, more fragile and intuitively deficient, subservient victim.
This awful trend has of course greatly contributed to depression and anxiety in boys and men. Truth is all out of fashion and actively discouraged in favour of lies and conformity.
Without truth a society becomes weak, immoral and unjust.
Frederick Nietzsche summed it up in this powerful quote below:
“A mans worth is determined by how much truth he can tolerate.”
– F. Nietzsche
Children would rather get their values from YouTube now instead of parents or schools. Boys in particular are now looking for connection elsewhere because very little in modern culture is appealing to them. This is of course true of men too and who can blame them.
What exactly would life look like if men went along with this new subdued, puppy dog style version of a man?
Most men are lying to themselves. Behind the false smiles, politeness and portrayal of excessive harmlessness, is fear.
Fear is in fact a consequence of this forced subdued niceness, which is the worst possible example of virtue signalling. This isn’t having a sense of being right, it’s suppression. There’s nothing right about it. It’s just a dead life of passive conformity that paradoxically leads to frustration, anger and even violence.
Someone once said:
“if you stay bent over long enough, you will think it’s standing up.”
It’s also a sure fire way to create or enhance depression and anxiety.
We can now see that depression and anxiety are incased within fear.
Where do we go from here?
If any man is really serious about changing his life, all three issues raised have to be addressed within himself.
For us as men, without a challenging and meaningful existence, life will seem dreary and pointless and will result in aimlessly drifting through constant distractions and even addictions, to numb the pain of a purposeless life.
This change in our sense of self can be a monumentally hard transition ~ yet what exactly are the alternatives? In a world seemingly full of choices, the truth is there is only one choice if we want something more than the mundane jobs, relationships and distractions we sway towards out of convenience and fear.
The only one powerful opportunity in your life for personal growth is to reclaim self sovereignty so you can live by innate human values, not experimental trends and fads.
You will have to operate very differently from what many elements of society are telling you.
It is this mindset that reawakens the innate values of courage, integrity, humility and compassion. These values are a way of life that create the greatest changes in the world, which incidentally are the ones most men are trying to desperately reconnect with.
In truth, without these virtues men will indeed become self doubting, self loathing objects of pity.
We don’t need any more advice bombarded at us, nor do we need to be told how to behave and micro manage every aspect of our life.
We need a way of life with a bedrock of cast iron values; a philosophy of living that will deeply inspire us and awaken an innate intuitive intelligence beyond the lunacy of cultural trends.
This will also have a huge impact on our children and everyone around us. Despite a rapidly changing world, it is these values that will remain unchanging and timeless for anyone that wants to live a life of real meaning and purpose.
Whilst accepting and living within our rapidly changing environment, a bedrock of living a life with unwavering values will prepare us as men and our children for the world of tomorrow.